Harmonious Relationships Duties vsRights, by Swami Parthasarathy

Relationships should be based on duties. Never rights! ... "What is my duty toward that person?" A husband can think in terms of: "What is my duty towards the wife?" The wife should think in terms of: "What is my duty towards my husband?" This was Bharat! This was India. This is how we lived in the past.

Until we got into this westernization. Everybody thinks in [these] terms, in every relationship: It's the father's duty toward the son. And the son thinks, "This is my duty towards my father." That is why you don't have poor homes. What is it? There's poor people but no homes.

Everywhere I go in the western countries,
there are poor homes. Or - what is that? Parents. Old age homes. Sorry.

Old age homes. Where is this 'old-age'? A son today can't think of keeping his parents somewhere else. I've known millionaires Multi-millionaires. They go on Christmas Day, Mother's birthday, Father's birthday, to greet them.

The rest of the days, they don't know whether they are living or dead. Old [age] homes. I'm not saying you should keep or should not. This is not-- I'm just telling you the concept 'My duty towards my father.

My mother.' The mother and father think "This is my duty towards my children." "What is my duty towards the children?" Leave them alone. You understand? Not hang on them. [Audience chuckling.] Whatever the duty be. They're BASED on duty.

There are certain areas, you may not
be clear. See, more or less you will know. "I think this is my duty. I should do it." In different relationships.

"This is my duty." I remember one fellow phoned me from Chennai. He's very keen on following duties and all. But he's not SURE whether it's duty or not. "Arey? What happened?," I asked him.

"Swamiji. My wife's sister's son-in-law's brother is
getting married. Is it my duty to go or not?" [Audience Laughter] In some village. Eh? If I remember right: Wife's sister's son-in-law's brother.

Is it my duty or not? How can I say if it's a duty or not? Because I want them to continue. If he doesn't go, the marriage may split. So for that reason I said, "Beta, think carefully." So there may be areas. That is only .1%.

One in a thousand cases. Otherwise, you know clearly: "This is my duty,"
or, "Not my duty." In such cases, follow your follow your conscience. Conscience is always right. Something tells you, "No, I think I should
do this.

Follow your conscience." This is only when there's a doubt. Shakespeare puts it beautifully: "To thine own self be true, And it must follow as night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." Be true to yourself. But all the time we are trying to please others. What amount of wasted time and energy to please others? You've got to follow your own conviction.

Whatever you think is right. And this Shakespeare says, "This above all, To thine own self be true And it must follow as night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man.".